“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
I talk – a lot. Saying nice words that encourage and build up others brings pure joy to my heart, so I say them when I think them. Ideas pop into my head at an incredibly random rate. If they are any good, I know that I better speak them out loud or I might forget them. I also ask all the questions because I love to know how and why things happen. When I am angry, or hurt, or frustrated, I often speak even more, and normally, louder as well.
The verse above is one of many verses that speak of controlling the words that come out of your mouth. Both the Old Testament and the New Testament address carefully choosing the words that we speak. James makes the consequences of speaking rashly abundantly clear. “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” James 3:5-6 Yikes. That’s rough. It only takes a brief moment to remember the consequences of opening my mouth when I should have kept it shut, to understand how true are these words in James. It makes me shudder to think of the damage I have done with my tongue.
Knowing this, I have set a goal. I’m going to stop complaining about all the things. I will still get frustrated and angry, but I want to measure my words before they blurt out of my mouth. I want the words that do make their way to other people’s ears to be encouraging, productive, and useful. When I get frustrated and angry, I need to stop and take a breath, and then decide how I can address the issue in the most constructive way possible. Sometimes, that means having a rational conversation with others. Sometimes, it means choosing not to engage in a battle of negativity, but instead use words that offer a suggestion or a positive solution. Sometimes, it means I need to listen more carefully to what the other person is saying. Sometimes, it just means that I should just shut my mouth.
It’s that last one that I battle with the most. I have this need to be right, to be defended, to be understood. I want people to know my side of the story. I want people to do and say what I believe to be right. The fact that the last three sentences start with I should be a clue that my focus is off. Not every single thing is about me. God does not run the world according to what I think is best. Can we all just say amen to that, because goodness knows I would screw it up. That means that sometimes, things don’t go my way, at all. My flesh wants to fight, to use my words to prove my case, or change the outcome, or at least stand up for myself. Often, though, I just need to stay quiet and let it go.
This morning, after a particularly frustrating conversation with a certain government agency, I just stopped talking. I was silent. There was not one word that I could think of that would have been positive, constructive, or helpful. The more I thought about how I felt, the more rude, sarcastic, and angry comments swirled in my head. Feeling my blood pressure rise, along with my pulse, I realized that this is how it gets started. The more energy we put towards the negative thoughts and feelings, the more power they have over us. When we open our mouths and start speaking all that bitterness, it grows even larger, it brings others down into our storm. It continues to build until we are out of control, and that is not helpful in any way.
In at attempt, to refocus, I shut my mouth, put my earbuds in and listened to uplifting music, and colored in my journaling Bible. Slowly, the anger began to fade, the frustration began to ease, and my mind was focused again on the good. I’m choosing to share because I know I’m not alone in my reaction. The good news is that we have the power to choose how we will react. Even better, when we choose to not react in a negative manner, we diffuse the situation rather than stir it up. It’s hard, I’m not going to tell you it is easy, or that it comes naturally. I can, however, promise you that it is by far the best solution for you, for the people around you, and for your hearts.
When you decide that you will not complain out loud, somedays youare silent. In that silence, your heart and mind can refocus, you can pray to God that He would adjust your attitude and fill you with His peace. I’m going to continue today, to be intentional about the words that come out of my mouth. Which could very well mean I spend a large portion of the day silent. It also means I will be more at peace, and that is a really good trade off.
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