Last November found me in deep canyon of depression. I had been there for quite some time and exhausted from the sheer weight of darkness pressing in on me, not to mention the numerous ways and times I had tried to pull myself out of that abyss. I chose to follow The Loved Bible Project in their monthly devotional because I receive immense joy from putting a Loved Bible together. My hope was that by reading something everyday and spending some time investing in a Loved Bible, I would begin to see how God planned on rescuing me.
Not surprisingly, the topic was gratitude. Not feeling very grateful, I rolled my eyes, but chose to keep going simply to find a quote to put inside the Bible. As the month passed, I began to crave the next day’s lesson. I felt as if every word that was written was speaking to my heart and to my spirit. Gratitude became a heart issue. I became very aware of the fact that I was grateful for a lot of things and a lot of people – on the surface. My heart and my spirit, however, were bitter and angry and unphased by those things for which I should have been deeply grateful.
To say it was an easy month would be a lie, but to say it was a profound month would just touch the tip of the heart change. I remain grateful to Nancy Leigh Demoss for what she shared with us last November. Over the course of the last year, God has truly begun to pull me out of my darkness. Gratitude has been at the center of that journey. So much so that I believe that I am to write out my thoughts on gratitude throughout the month of November. My goals in writing out such thoughts have multiple purposes. First, I intend to include them in the Bible in which I am currently working. Also, I want my heart and soul to take that journey again. I want to rediscover those things for which my gratitude completely covers any weight pulling me down.
So even though it is cliché’ to be thankful in November – I’m going to seek out some serious gratitude in November.
Day One – Known, Heard, and Understood
On this first day of November I am grateful that God sees me, knows me, and hears me. I am thankful that no matter how I feel in any moment, He cares enough to understand my feelings and then push me past them into truth. I am thankful that He never leaves me to languish in my sadness. I am thankful that He gets me.
From a very young age I made it clear that I am proud to not be “normal”. The truth however, is that I, like most people I know desperately wanted to be just like everyone else. I wanted to be accepted and valued because I fit in so well. Again, like most other people, I was pretty sure that was never going to happen and so I embraced this idea that being different – even weird – was the better option. Even while I outwardly celebrated my “weirdness,” my heart longed to be heard and to be understood. More than fitting in even, I wanted someone to completely get me, to know me at the core of who I was.
What I understand now is that none of us are the same, none of us were created to be the same. Identical twins may share the same DNA, but they too are created by a God who only creates unique individuals. That same God who created us to be different also fully knows us, completely hears us, and values us beyond any explanation. All our silent cries of pain and of joy are heard by the one who created us. Every thought we have, emotion we feel, and fear we face is known to Him. More than that, He understand each of those thoughts, feelings, and fears. I can’t tell you how, because in my flesh, it makes no sense. It seems like a completely ludicrous suggestion. Yet David says of our God, “O Lord, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.” (Psalm 139:1-4) One of my very favorite Psalms also supports this idea, “The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears toward their cry.” Psalm 34:15
To be know and understood is the desire of every heart. Today, know that you are seen, heard, understood, and valued by a God who never fails. I am so very grateful that He meets the deepest needs of our hearts in ways we can only begin to understand.
Leave a Reply