First, Forgiveness

It has been a full month that I have not taught in a classroom. My heart’s longing is to write, speak, and encourage women. My family’s need is for me to have an income and to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. At the current moment those two needs appear to be diametrically opposed.

Over the past three years I have learned much about self-promotion and writing as a career. Without question, the most important part of being a writer is to write, a lot. I have sat down at the computer, or with a notebook in front of me, and I have written many words. Those words have not been published because they are full of anger and bitterness. Even writing these words, I am working very hard to not let the full weight of that anger and bitterness seep through.

Therefore, the first action I must take is to forgive. While I am beyond grateful for this chance to start working toward my next dream, I was not in any way planning to leave the classroom. My flesh wants to write out all of the reasons that forced me to resign. My flesh wants everyone to know the horror of those five months, with all the gory details painting a picture that would accurately represent them. Clearly, I am not keeping it a secret that those months were difficult. However, to start naming names and spilling details is not appropriate.

God clearly tells us in verse after verse that we are to forgive. It is not a suggestion, or an, “if you feel like it” idea, it is a command. Jesus even says it when He is telling us how to pray, “and forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (ESV) In the Greek language the word used for debts can mean a literal debt of money or a trespass which requires reparation. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Colossians 3:13 is similar, “bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” I could keep going, but I think the point has been made. We are to forgive. I need to forgive. As with all things, God knows that forgiveness is what will free us from the chains of bitterness an anger. He knows that harboring this kind of hurt will only lead to further pain.

And so, first, forgiveness, then I hope to share words of joy, hope and encouragement. My heart and soul believe that there is reason to be joyful, to hope and to encourage one another. Thank you to all of the people who have offered kind words, encouragement and support and hugs during this time. Thank you to those who have, and who are, praying for me and for my family. I have been abundantly blessed with an incredible and strong tribe.