It is day 14 of writing for 31 straight days. This has been a needed challenge to break me out of writer’s block. However, I have to say, writing for 14 days in a row is hard. I try to make sure that I am communicating well the truths of depression and the truths of hope. I try not to say the exact same thing. I try to use words that will convey my message accurately. All of that trying has me a little tired.
It is similar to when I am trying to get well during a season of depression. I try many methods to stop the pain. Medicine, therapy, reading books, and exercise mainly. I try and I try and I become exhausted from the trying. Some days I just want to not work at it. I feel like just sitting in the hard and letting it be. I feel like giving up and letting it overtake me. Thankfully most days I do not feel this way. Most days I am ready and willing to fight and claw my way back to health.
On all the days I want people to know I am trying. I think it is one reason why people have such a hard time talking about depression. It not only carries with it the stigma of weakness but of a lack of effort. It often looks on the outside like I am not doing very much to make myself better because I am not getting better. My efforts to be healthy don’t come with a timeline though. Each journey is a bit different – or wildly different. Each time I just have to keep working and trying until it works. So it will be with this season. I will continue to battle until I am back to me. Know in the interim that I am trying.
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