Makeup. Somedays I want to wear all the things and somedays I don’t want to wear any of the things. This morning as I was getting ready to go into town, I was bemoaning the thought that I did not have time to put my makeup on. And that, in my opinion, I would not be worthy of going into town without first, “putting my face on.”
In that moment, God brought to mind pictures of some of the most beautiful women I know. As their images were flashing across my mind, I realized none of them were wearing makeup. I began to sort out in my head how I could believe they look so stunning, in spite of their lack of makeup. I took each person individually and began to think about whether it was because they had great skin, or cute faces with no wrinkles, or were they just naturally more beautiful than the rest of the population.
One by one, the women were crossing my mind again and it seemed they had very little in common. Some were much older than me, some much younger, and some right exactly around my age. Their passions are different, their hairstyles aren’t the same, and most of them don’t know each other in any way. What in the world could make them all look lovely without a hint of makeup?
Joy!
Each and every woman I was considering had joy written on their faces. It was so evident as I thought about one of the worship leaders at my church. Her spirit, her words, her hugs, her worship – all of it is filled with joy. That joyous spirit – so very evident on her face – makes her shine. And that makes her unmistakably gorgeous. As I went through the rest of the women, including my ministry partner, Tracy, it was the same answer each time. They live with a joy, regardless of their circumstances and it makes them stand out.
Naturally, my next question was, “How do they keep up that kind of joy all the time?” The thing we all have in common is Jesus. Our backgrounds are vastly different, but he is the thing that binds us together. Despite also knowing Jesus, I am most certainly not always joyful. Again, I stopped and thought about each woman. The difference is that they choose to be filled with joy. They make that choice every minute of every day because they are so thankful and so in love with their Savior.
I wanted to dig deeper, to understand how I could find this same joy, keep it and thus be able to shine. My battles with anxiety and depression have made that seem like an almost unattainable goal. Almost. The deal is, I have to keep fighting. I have to keep searching for the truth God speaks that will defeat the lies in my head that keep me from experiencing joy. When joy comes, I have to grasp it and hold on tight, focusing on the thrill of being so loved by the God who spoke the world into being. I have to write it down – in detail – so I can go back and see what brought me so much joy. I have to let go of so many of the things that I allow to pull me down and beat defeat into my head. I have to trust that God knows better than I do and that He has a plan that is better than I could ever create. I also have to let go of my people pleasing nature. When I become consumed by how I look, and what people think, I am clouding my mind with worry and insecurity and that covers up joy.
I will continue to wear makeup often because I enjoy playing with it. Now, however, the goal becomes to show as much joy as I can through my face, my words, and my actions. When I stop to think, even for a moment, about all that God has done for me, all that Jesus sacrificed to save me, and the fact that the Holy Spirit lives inside me, it is much easier to feel that joy. When I choose to be grateful for what I do have – rather than focusing on what I don’t – it is much easier to feel joy. Depression and anxiety are very real struggles for me, but I will not bow down to them. I will not let them steal my joy. I will fight by focusing on the right things and retraining my brain. I will not give up and let my diagnosis’ describe me. Instead, I will be defined by the joy that God gives in extravagent amounts.
What brings you joy? What things cause you to remember how good God is – even when everything around you seems too hard to bear? This week, let’s choose to let Him shine through the best we can by keeping our eyes and hearts focused on Him.
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